IT'S THE HOLIDAY SEASON and you and I and everyone else are busier now than at any other time of the year. So much to do, so few hours to do it in! BUT if you do find a few minutes, relax, sit back in a comfortable chair, (maybe with some hot tea and homemade cookies) and enjoy some MUSEA HOLIDAY READING.
There's the 10 Company men who finally get the Christmas spirit/ Katie who, like us all, gains some Christmas pounds/ That magic switch on the wall- will you flip it on? /An autobiographical short story classic by Lu Hsun that Musea has put in poem form - a little incident changes his life forever /and finally a poem version of some lines from "HOME OF THE GENTRY" by Turgenev about the fleeting character of true happiness.
We hope these pieces will brighten the season for you and all those around you.
"CHEERS!" "CLINK!" "SALUTE!"
What if...Santa Clause, an angel or the three ghosts that visited Scrooge visited the ten companies that advertise the most. And after one harrowing night, scared them into altruism; showed them a past, present, and future, so prophetic and so profound, that they, as they say, ‘saw the light.’ It might...go...something....like...this...
Figures from Advertising Age and for 1997.
Total spending yearly by all 10 = $5,214,900,000. At 9.6% interest, that’s $500,000,000 per year or $41,670,000 per month. (All numbers rounded).
First, the CEO of Sears & Roebuck would (with everyone around the shining oval meeting table in the polished swiveling red leather seats) call the meeting of the Big 10 to order and in his opening remarks say:
"Last year we spent $5,214,900,000 on ads.
(And that’s no bit of undigested beef!)
But this year (he paced) I wax in another direction.
I, like you, have been met by...
things from the unearthly world.
And they made it clear to me that, that I...
(the other 9 mumble their "yesses"and "for sures" and "we know the that’s a fact" and "I commiserate with that")
that the money should be better spent!
"To the employees of the advertising agencies we say: "Now for the accountants to account our accounts. "Thank you Ms. Reed and Merry Christmas!" "Now," says the accountant The 10 men all gasp - $50 million each! Mr. Sears: There’s a switch on the wall in the down position. If you flip it up you’ll end all poverty and hunger in the world and there will be absolutely no adverse effects for anyone. Will you switch it? Of course you would. Everybody would. Now, imagine that you have to switch 1,000 switches every day for 20 years to end that poverty. Would you do that? Maybe not. What’s my point? It’s this. If ending suffering can be made easy to do, then everyone will do it and they’ll do it gladly. (A Musea version of the Lu Hsun short story in poem form) Six years have gone by as so many winks of an eye But one little incident is deep with meaning It was a winter day in the sixth year of the Republic. We came to a halt. The woman remained on all fours.
I thought to myself "I saw you fall But the puller didn't hesitate after the old woman said As they passed I experienced a sharp sensation. At the same time I felt a pressure on my body Then I got down from the rickshaw to meet him. The wind now ceased entirely Even now that experience burns in my memory. [based on the Edgar Snow translation]
Katie Muffin Tweedle dum Tweedle dee Mars is attached! What's to do Can any cluster The last black hole The primoridal soup And gravity Stomach acid Will she explode? Physicists say Some claim as fact (from Home of the Gentry, Turgenev, translated by R. Freeborn, Chapter XLI, my version) Mikhalevich says "What you wanted
"...And the Union workhouses? Are they still in operation?
...The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigor then?"
and they may retort:
"What shall we put you down for?"
"Nothing" we’ll quote.
"You wish to remain anonymous?"
"I wish to be - to be...I was always ...we were always....
good men of business...Gentlemen!
MANKIND is our business this night!
(a bell twinkles)
Mr. Stewart of Stewart, Stewart & Capra:"
(an aside: "Are you Mr. Stewart?" "No, I’m Mr. Stewart!")
Meanwhile, Ms. Reed, the secretary, comes in,
"Coffee anyone?" (before you begin)
"Yes, Virginia!" Cups filled to the brim.
"May I go now sir? It’s Christmas Eve."
"Of course," says the CEO, "But first a gift from me."
(He opens a drawer and hands her a wrapped present.)
"And one for you." says Miss Reed,
(pulling her gift from behind her back)
They unwrap. (the others watch)
And with delight both proclaim,
(Both in unison) "Oh how wonderful!"
"A set of combs!" "A platinum fob chain!"
They all say goodnight, laughing "Ho ho ho!"
(One with a thumb to the side of his nose.)
And one with this caution on his voice:
"Don’t let the calls
that call this folly
call la la la la la,
la la la la.
(the night is silent and all are showing interest...)
"What if we take the 5 bill, 214 point 9 mil
And put it into a bank, stock, or bond;
(Nothing we’re bound to, but something to ac-crue...’)
Chalk in hand he does the math:
"...with 9 point 6 percent per year gain..."
chalk, chalk, chalk
"...each month brings back this much in..."
chalk, chalk, chalk
"...rounded off to the nearest cent..."
chalk, chalk, chalk
"...500 million dollars - and the capital never spent!"
[with bells on their footnotes - epistle mistletoes]
"What do we do with what has accrued..."
(asks AT&T and Burger King)
"...with the $500 million of interest?"
(interestedly)
chalk, chalk, chalk
"41 point 67 mil a month
for this month for next month, for the months after that,
for now and forever... (and then? and then?)
"Hooray and away!" say 10 company men.
We could give every man, woman and child in the U.S.
A 20-dollar bill each and every Christmas.
Mr. Chevrolet:
We could go into a new town each month and give away
the 41 point 67 mil and say
Fix your streets, feed your poor,
Buy bicycles, build houses or parks...
Mr. McDonald’s:
Have a party, do more...
Mr. Ford:
One month Tucson, then Boise, and St. Paul...
Mr. Dodge:
Vicksburg, Pittsburgh, Juneau and Sioux Falls...
Mr. AT&T:
And on and on it goes
Mr. Mr. Toyota:
Where it stops
Mr. Mr. MCI:
No one knows!
Mr. Burger King:
But wait! (the room hushes) Will this bring us good will?
Mr. Circuit City:
Good will toward men.
(altogether) "We spend."
"Meeting adjourned!" The End
"Amen." A Switch on the Wall
A Little Incident
Since I came to the capital from my provincial village.
During that time there have many times occurred
Those celebrated events known as "Affairs of State,"
A great number of which I was privy to.
Yet my heart seems not to be affected by them
And recollecting them only increases my ill temper
And causes me to like people less and less
as the day wears out.
And to this day I am unable to forget it.
A strong northerly wind blew in bitter cold.
To make my living, I had to be up early.
On my way I encountered scarcely anyone.
And only after much difficulty was I able to find
And hire a rickshaw to take me to the South Gate.
After a while, the wind slowed its fury.
The streets were now free of loose dirt.
The puller picked up speed and ran quickly.
As we neared the gate, someone ran in front of us,
Got entangled in the big wheels, and tumbled to the ground.
A woman with streaks of white in her hair
Who wore ragged clothes, had darted suddenly
From the side of the street directly in front of us.
My puller had turned to swerve out of the way,
But her tattered jacket, unbuttoned and fluttering
In the wind caught the shaft, and, lucky for her,
The puller stopped quickly enough or she would h ave been thrown
Head over heels and seriously injured.
I did not think that she had been hurt.
No one else had seen the collision.
It irritated me that the puller was lingering
And prepared to get himself involved in complications.
It would delay and prolong my journey. I'd be late.
But he either didn't hear me or he didn't care
Because he put down the shafts and gently helped
The old woman to her feet supporting her in his arms.
"Are you alright?" "I am hurt."
And it was not that rough. How can you be hurt?
And the rickshaw driver is making problems for himself.
So let him find his way out of this mess."
She was injured. Still holding her arm,
He walked her forward, ahead a police station.
No one stood outside, so he guided her through the gate.
I do not know why but at that moment
It suddenly seemed to me that this dust-covered figure
Loomed enormous and larger the further
He walked until finally
I had to lift my head to follow him further.
Which came like a shove from his direction.
It seemed to push through me and out of me
All the littleness under my fur-lined gown.
I grew weak, my vitality was spent
As though my blood had frozen in me.
I sat motionless, stunned and dazed,
Until I saw an officer emerge from the station.
"Get another rickshaw," the officer advised me.
"This man can't pull anymore."
Without thinking, I thrust my hand in my pocket
And pulled out a big fistfull of coppers.
"Give the fellow these," I told the policeman.
But the street was still quiet and deserted.
I questioned myself as I walked along.
Why did you give the money? Was it some kind of reward?
And who was I, after the way I behaved,
To pass judgment upon the rickshaw driver?
I stood there unable to answer my conscious.
I recall it often with pain and effort.
The drama of the political and military events
Of all those years are to me like the classics
I read in childhood and quickly forgot.
Now, I can't even recite half a line.
But always, standing before my eyes,
Purging me with shame, impelling me to improve,
Invigorating my hope and courage; I re-enact
This little incident - each detail distinct
And clear as that day when all this happened. Katie Muffin
Is a glutton
All day long
Her mouth is munchin.
and tweedle dee,
She ate the moon
At afternoon tea!
and tweedle dum
She's ate the world
And orbits alone.
Stars are a snack!
She's an invasion force of one!
And is there a who,
Who can give us
Pro-tec-tion?
Of stars muster
Against this
Bigger Bang?
Is down her throat.
On a thread
All matter hangs!
Is now a burp!
A conveyor
Her only belt!
Is rapidly
Bringing herself
To herself!
Faster and faster -
reaching critical mass!
Woe! oh woe!
Is this the last
Of the last?
There are two ways
For our universe
to go
That it'll contract,
But I say
Katie'll get full! Mikhalevich's Speech
Was to know happiness for the second time.
You forget it's a luxury, an undeserved favor
When it comes to a life even once.
You counteract "it was not full happiness."
Then tell me what right you have to full happiness.
Look about you and see who is happy.
Look there's a worker mowing the yards.
Perhaps he's happy with what the fates have given him.
Do you want to change places with him and take up his burdens?